Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress- Episode Three

So here it is at last, the end of the story! The audio will be up very soon.

Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress, Episode Three

In the centre of the large, damp and rather chilly space that was Flamaban’s living room, the two wide- eyed knights saw a large table. On one side, on a very small chair considering his enormous size, perched Flamaban. On the opposite side sat a beautiful young lady, who Montmerency and Percival presumed to be Marigold. On the table itself was a big, flowery teapot, two half empty teacups sat on matching saucers, some playing cards and a plate of pink cakes. Both Flamaban and Marigold were smiling and appeared to be in the middle of a jovial conversation and some sort of card game, unaware of the knights’ presence. Montmerency and Percival looked at each other, mouths open in surprise. They looked back at the card- playing pair and Montmerency cleared his throat to speak. ‘Erm... Excuse me?’ he began, tentatively. ‘Are you Princess Marigold?’ The princess looked up from her tea with a start.

‘Yes!’ she replied, ‘and who are you?’

‘I am Montmerency Crookback, brave, noble knight and rescuer of maidens in dragon- related trouble,’ said Montmerency.

‘And I am Percival Plunkett, even braver and nobler than him!’ interrupted Percival, rather over keen to make his presence and identity known to Marigold, ‘I am here to rescue you!’

‘Well, as you can see, I am not in any kind of dragon- related trouble and I don’t need rescuing!’ said Marigold, briskly.

‘But I read in the newspaper that you had been kidnapped and so I came as fast as I could to aid you, your Majesty!’ replied the taller, skinnier knight, before Percival could speak again.

‘It is true that Flamaban plucked me from my horse yesterday and brought me here to his cave. When we arrived here, I was very scared, but I soon realised that Flamaban just wanted a friend to talk to,’ answered Marigold. ‘You see, he’s not the same as his Uncle, the original Flamaban. He’s really very nice and makes a lovely cup of tea!’

‘Oh... Erm... So you don’t need a brave, noble and, well, handsome knight like me to take you home on the back of my horse?’ asked a rather put- out Percival.

‘No!’ said the princess. ‘Flamaban said he would take me home this evening after we’ve finished this game of Snap.’

‘Why don’t you join us?’ interjected Flamaban, a small wisp of smoke leaving his gnarly mouth as he spoke.

And so it came to be that two knights, one tall and one short, a kind and gentle dragon and a beautiful princess ended up drinking tea, playing snap, talking and laughing until night fell on that day. Montmerency won outright, discovering surprisingly fast reflexes during the card game. Flamaban amazed them all with his fire- breathing prowess, lighting small torches to allow them to see inside the cave as dusk fell. Percival ate several of Flamaban’s special Snapdragon Cakes, declaring them quite delicious. And Marigold, who the previous day had feared for her life as the dragon had flown her high over the kingdom to his lair, laughed at the two knights as they engaged in their usual banter, watched Flamaban enjoying himself and sipped her tea, feeling very happy indeed.

Later that evening, if you had been at the Royal Castle, you would have seen a huge dragon swooping down to land on the roof and one small princess climb off his back, kiss his nose and skip away down the stairs. You would have seen her father, King Anthony, cry tears of joy at her safe return and listen intently to her tale of the kind dragon who was now her friend and the funny old eccentric knights that she had met, who she planned to visit the following week. If you had been at the bridge between the homes of Montmerency and Percival, you would have laughed at the two knights, returning home by moonlight on slow, sauntering horses, bickering and arguing over who would have rescued Marigold more successfully, if indeed she had needed rescuing after all. And if you had been at Flamaban’s cave, you would have seen him return home, blow out the torches that lit his cave and settle down into a peaceful happy sleep, knowing that, at last, he had made not just one friend, but three.

There are many other tales to tell of Montmerency, Percival, Marigold and Flamaban. Their adventures were only just beginning. The story of how their friendships grew, how Flamaban’s reputation in the kingdom changed forever and Dragon Day was named in his honour, how they vanquished the troll who came to live under the bridge, how they came face to face with a Banshee in the forest... But we will have to save those stories for another day, because for our heroes and for us too, it is time for bed.

Goodnight.

An Apology...

I just wanted to apologise for the fact that the final part of 'Damsel in Distress' isn't yet up on this blog and on SoundCloud. It will be finished in the next week, I promise!

Don't forget that you can buy the whole story as an eBook, compatible with all e-reading devices including iPhone, iPad and Kindle. It's 49p on the Jottify Store!

Final Episode of 'Damsel in Distress'

I am going to publish the final episode of 'Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress' here on the blog and in audio form over the next few days! If you want to hear how the story ends, please keep checking back or subscribe. Or you can buy the book for 49p on the Jottify store. Enjoy!

Buy it NOW!

I am so excited, because my first story, 'Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress' is now available to buy on the Jottify store as an eBook. CLICK HERE to get it!

Don't forget that you can even DOWNLOAD the audio episodes from Soundcloud and listen to them anytime, even on your iPod... Just click the links to the left to get them all so far. I'll be posting the final episode of 'Damsel in Distress' soon...

Bye for now!

The next episode of Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress is here!

Here is is folks! And remember you can listen to it by clicking THIS LINK. Enjoy and keep checking back for more updates, or better still, subscribe! Full stories will appear as eBooks on the Jottify store in due course.

Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress, Episode 2

Princess Marigold had woken up rather early the previous day. After dressing and brushing her long blonde hair, she found herself at a rather loose end. She wasn’t fond of all the usual princess- like activities, such as sewing, painting and looking pretty, all of which her father regularly encouraged. Instead, she liked practising fencing and riding her horses, both of which her father found rather un- ladylike and therefore actively discouraged. But King Anthony loved his daughter and put up with her tomboyish antics.

On this particular day, everyone else had gone out to attend to their royal duties and she had no-one to accompany her out on her horses or to the fencing arena. It was seen as very dangerous for a beautiful young princess to do either of these activities alone. She was usually flanked by two big, strong guards, who made sure any over- zealous suitors or would- be kidnappers stayed a safe distance away. Today, all the guards had gone out with other members of the family and she was under strict instructions to stay at home. Marigold was not very good at staying at home and doing nothing, so within about an hour, she had decided that she could sit around no longer. She pulled on her brother’s boots and headed out towards the stables.

Flamaban the dragon knew that everyone was scared of him. He had a reputation for being big, ferocious and having particularly hot fire- breath. The entire kingdom knew of his huge hoard of treasure that he guarded fiercely. He was mean and nasty and terrifying! The problem was that this really wasn’t true. You see, no-one knew that he wasn’t actually the original Flamaban, the dragon who had created such a fearsome reputation for himself. He was, in fact, Flamaban’s nephew, Flamaban the Second, and he wasn’t like his Uncle at all. He was gentle and kind and just wanted to be friends with everyone. But poor Flamaban didn’t have any friends. He just sat in his cave surrounded by all his Uncle’s treasure, wishing he had a friend who he could invite round for a cup of tea and a chat. Most dragons don’t drink tea, but Flamaban rather liked it. He didn’t mind that it put out his fire- breath, because he had never used it. In fact, he found it an inconvenience, especially when he accidentally set fire to the flowers he had planted in the mouth of his cave or burned his own eyelashes. On the same morning that Marigold decided to go on her own to see her beloved horses, Flamaban decided he had had enough. He decided that if no- one liked him, he would have to do something about it. So he made his way to the mouth of his cave, flapped his giant wings, and, with a roar of desperation and loneliness, flew into the distance. He would find someone to be his friend.

A few hours later, Marigold was galloping along on her favourite horse, Horatio, with the wind blowing in her hair, feeling happy and full of life. She was going so fast and having such a lovely time, she didn’t hear the sound of a large, scary dragon swooping towards her, before it was too late...

Montmerency sped across the landscape, towards the wicked Flamaban’s lair. He felt proud and noble, just how a knight should. His helmet shone in the sunlight and the wind whistled through the gaps in his armour. Soon, he could see the entrance to Flamaban’s cave in the distance. The newspaper report had told how Marigold had disappeared from the castle the previous day and was thought to have been plucked from her horse by Flamaban. On its return to the stables, the horse’s mane was found to have been slightly singed, which pointed towards the dragon as the culprit for the kidnapping. Montmerency just hoped he had got to the cave in time to rescue the beautiful maiden. He slowed the horse to a standstill and prepared to dismount. But what was that he could see coming over the horizon? It appeared to be a short fat horse, ridden by a rider of the same description. Surely it couldn’t be Percival? As the figure came closer, his fears were realised as he recognised without doubt the portly frame of his rival.

‘What are you doing here?’ asked Montmerency, as Percival drew nearer.

‘I’m here to rescue the princess of course!’ replied the stouter of the two.

‘No you’re not!’ exclaimed Montmerency. ‘I was here first and you wouldn’t have heard about the Princess if it wasn’t for me!’

‘I am also a knight and I deserve a fair chance at saving a young lady in need,’ said Percival, ‘and anyway....’ Percival paused and looked up. Montmerency had disappeared inside the cave! Kicking his horse into action, Percival followed him at a pace. He reached Montmerency just as he had arrived in the main room of Flamaban’s cave complex. Montmerency had come to a sudden stop at the sight that met him inside the cave.

The final episode of this story is coming soon!

Next episode coming soon...

I hope you all enjoyed the first episode of 'Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress'... The second episode is coming soon!

Episode One of 'Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress is here!

So, here is episode one of the first story. You can listen to and DOWNLOAD the episode on SoundCloud by clicking THIS LINK, or read the episode below! Enjoy and keep checking back or subscribe for the rest of the story. The whole story will appear on the Jottify store soon, for only 49p. Thanks!

Crookback and Plunkett and the Damsel in Distress, Episode One

In a lonely valley somewhere very far away, two castles stood on opposite sides of a small river, over which stretched a rickety wooden bridge. One of the castles was very tall and thin, with crooked, grey stone turrets and a dried up moat. The other was rather low and round, with a huge mahogany door and a portcullis. Outside the first castle stood a thin, off- white horse, quietly grazing on the grass. Outside the second castle, a chubby, young brown pony trotted towards its feeding trough. These castles were the homes of Montmerency Crookback and Percival Plunkett, two knights who had an ongoing feud over the ownership of the bridge which separated their land, as well as disagreeing over most other things that you can imagine, usually just for the sake of it.

Montmerency was very tall and thin, just like his castle. He had unkempt grey hair, a long bony nose and big sideburns. He liked to think of himself as very noble and had developed a particular way of walking which, he believed, reflected this. His trousers were always too short for him due to the remarkable length of his legs and he often sported a top hat. Percival also matched his castle, because he was very short and fat, with rosy cheeks and a brown moustache. He didn’t have any hair, apart from a little bit around the sides and back of his head. His large bald patch was usually shiny and turned red when he got irate, which was a fairly regular occurrence. He was a pompous fellow who took pride in his appearance, wearing all the latest fashions, albeit in a rather large size.

One summer’s day, Montmerency was sitting outside his castle on a very old, striped deckchair, reading the local newspaper, ‘The Knightly Record’. His eye was immediately drawn to an interesting looking article on page two, which was a story about a local Princess called Marigold. She had been captured by the most ferocious dragon in the whole world, Flamaban. His penchant for breathing fire and flapping his mighty wings at anyone who came near his cave was well known. He had a huge cave where he kept hundreds of gold pieces and many rare treasures, or so everyone had heard, although no- one seemed to have seen his riches with their own eyes.

Montmerency saw at once that he had a chance to become the bravest knight in all the kingdom and perhaps even win the love of the beautiful Marigold. Her beauty, wit and charm were known throughout the land and Montmerency knew that he could not woo her with his looks alone. No, only an act of bravery would be enough to impress her. He set about making preparations for the heroic rescue at once.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the river, across the rickety bridge, Percival Plunkett was practising his sword fighting. ‘Have at you!’ he cried, as he stabbed the end of his sword into a sack stuffed with feathers. ‘Die, you coward!’ he exclaimed. He had made the sack very tall and thin and had painted a face on it. He liked to think it looked rather like Montmerency. As he was taking a well needed break from his exertions, he happened to glance out of the window and saw, to his surprise, Montmerency, wearing full armour, attempting rather unsuccessfully to climb onto his horse. He hurried to the front door immediately. ‘I say, old chap!’ he called, trying to sound nonchalant. ‘You off somewhere interesting?’

‘What?’ replied Montmerency, as he raised his right leg up to the horse’s stirrup for the third time.

‘Well,’ continued Percival, ‘I happened to notice you were wearing your armour. Anything I can help with?’

‘You can help me get up on this blasted horse if you like!’ replied Montmerency, in an irritable tone.

Percival made his way quite slowly over the bridge dividing the two knights’ land. His lack of urgency enraged Montmerency all the more. ‘Come on then!’ he exclaimed. ‘I haven’t got all day! There’s a beautiful princess to be rescued!’

‘A what?’ said Percival.

‘Oh, nothing, my dear fellow! Be a good chap and give me a leg up then.’

‘Hang on there, Monty,’ continued Percival, ‘I’m sure you just mentioned a princess who needs rescuing. You wouldn’t be trying to hide anything like that from me, now would you? Surely, as a fellow knight, I deserve a fair chance to prove my worth and rescue a damsel in distress?’

‘Just help me up and I’ll tell you everything!’ said Montmerency, who hated being called ‘Monty’, especially by Percival.

Percival grudgingly got down on one knee and made a platform with his hands. Montmerency put his armour- clad foot into Percival’s upturned palm and raised his other leg toward the stirrup. Unfortunately, at this moment, with Montmerency’s weight pressing down on his knee, Percival crumpled into a quivering heap on the grass at the horse’s feet. Montmerency came crashing down on top of him.

‘You imbecile!’ cried Montmerency. ‘I should have known not to ask for your help, you clumsy oaf! Goodbye!’

With that, Montmerency climbed over Percival’s body, placed his left foot on top of his rivals’ shiny head and, using it as a stepping stone, dragged himself into the saddle. Without another word, he rode off at top speed.

Percival got up slowly, watching Montmerency and his bony steed galloping away into the distance, surrounded by a cloud of angry dust. As horse and rider disappeared over the horizon, he knew there was only one thing for it.  He simply had to get to the Princess before the other noble knight.